The letters with no addresser. DAY 46

Today I found out that my close friend is going to the front. At our last meeting, we talked a lot about the war, and wondered whether it could really start. And in a few days, we were supposed to meet again, but he got sick. We were both very upset then, and now I am even more upset.

Where and when will our next meeting take place? Under what conditions, what will our conversations be like? I know for sure that we will see each other soon, now I will hate this war even more (if it can be estimated somehow).

The war affects everyone, in one way or another, it changes our usual rhythm. But it knocks on someone’s door directly. For me, it left a voice message today.
I’ve been thinking a lot about whether I could also go to the front, how I would feel if someone lost their life because of my actions.

When I write these lines, I condemn myself, because these reflections are the privileges of someone who is safe, at the front, everything is more obvious, the survival instinct is triggered, there is no time for deep thoughts.
When I was practicing boxing, I was always careful in sparring to hurt my partner, to hit harder… until the moment when I missed a punch. Then I immediately wanted to take revenge, and a real fight began.
I have never held a weapon in my hands, but I know for sure that if I had to, I would not hesitate in my actions. Especially if your friends are behind you.

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