What I hate the most is limiting my choices.
Any restrictions provoke a sense of fear and despair. It is vital for me to feel that I have alternatives or the possibility to retreat. To feel empowered to influence the course of my own life, not just to obey what my current circumstances dictate.
This applies to everything: the choice of another meal at a restaurant if I do not like the one I initially ordered. The option to quit a job if it does not meet my expectations, rather than be forced to tolerate the situation. A chance to move to another city in search of new emotions, and then return to my old birthplace I know so well. The right to end a relationship without guilt or the necessity of justifying or explaining anything.
I find this behavior to be correct, though I once blamed myself for having such thoughts. I made self-accusations and saw it as a fear of taking responsibility, a lack of strength or follow-through, a sign of weak character.
I don’t think this anymore. I no longer consider it necessary to be attached to something. I realized that the priority is a substance that is constantly changing, and the worst thing is not to regret the wrong choice but to be afraid to change in the first place.
Therefore, most of all, I like to allow myself the ability to choose. Only then do I have a sense of calm and security.
